St Theodore's

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  Sermon of the Week  

Look up the passage

  27/2/00  
  Getting Stuck in Dissatisfaction Phil 4:4-13
Luke 12:13-21

     

  I'm sure if I were to ask how many of you are satisfied with your life at present, most would quickly put their hands up. But then if you stopped to think for a few moments perhaps some would put their hands down again. We may generally be satisfied with life, but when we think deeper, there are usually some things that we're not so happy about: areas of our life where we feel like things aren't quite right, areas where we feel we're missing out. And what tends to happen when this is the case is that we begin to feel envious of those whose lot appears better than ours. Then the feelings of dissatisfaction grow, until we find we're stuck in a perpetual round of dissatisfaction.
  What I want to talk about today is the reasons behind that sense of dissatisfaction and ways we might overcome it. What I want to talk about in particular is the temptation to envy, since envy is most often the source of our dissatisfaction. There's plenty in the bible about the need to get rid of envy, but not so much about how to do it. So what I want to do today is first to think about how to recognise envy, then how to use it for good, and then how we might deal with it.
  You'd have to say that envy is one of the least attractive of temptations. It's not the sort of thing we go looking for is it? It doesn't offer us any great pleasure the way greed or lust or gluttony might. Rather it seems to be mainly negative, painful, almost designed to make us feel guilty.
  According to one woman who's written on this subject, envy is a particular problem for women. That doesn't mean men don't suffer from it, but she suggests that women have a greater problem because of the way they've been socialised. She suggests that women have traditionally been the watchers and waiters, so they've had fewer opportunities to work out what they really want in life or to make plans to get what they want. Women have often felt a sense of helplessness, or like they're the victims of circumstances. Or they've felt a strong cultural pressure to live for their families or their husbands; to give up their own desires for the sake of others. So when they see others who have got what they want, they naturally feel envious. So what are we going to do about it?
  Recognising Our Envy
  The first thing we need to do is to recognise it for what it is. Envy is the sort of emotion that springs up of its own accord, without any warning, in all shapes and sizes, so we don't always recognise it when it appears. To recognise it we need to realise that envy covers the whole spectrum of shades of green. It ranges from covetousness to self-loathing to wanting to hurt another person. It can be tied up with admiring another person, but it can also have a negative, destructive side that can tear us apart. So how will we know if there's envy in our lives? Well, try asking yourself these questions:
  Do I feel pain because of another's success?
  Do I compare myself with someone who is more successful and feel bad about their success or my lack of it?
  Do I feel that I deserve the thing I envy?
  Do I find myself wanting to put down successful people by gossiping about them or hurting them?
  Do I avoid seeing other people's successes?
  Do I find myself wanting to gain from other people's losses?
  Or think about the sorts of things that might cause envy. Someone you went to Uni with gets promoted far above you. One of your friends buys a beach house while you're still struggling to pay off a mortgage. Your friends are all happily married while you're still single. Or your friends' marriages seem to be happy and stable while yours is floundering. A close friend has a baby while you're having trouble conceiving. There's no shortage of circumstances are there? And of course the advertising industry is set up to increase our envy.
  Sometimes you'll recognise envy when you find yourself gossiping about someone. "Sure she got the promotion but what did she have to do to get it?" "Oh it's all very well for them, they're rolling in it, but what about those of us who have to work for a living?" "He wouldn't have a clue, he's never done a hard day's work in his life." Other times envy just pops up as a feeling of resentment or hurt that you never expected would be there. This might happen when a close friend changes their role and you feel like things are different between you. Then you realise that what you're feeling is envy at your friend's new role or new lifestyle.
  So what are we going to do when envy arises? Well first of all, we can learn from it. We can ask ourselves why has envy appeared? Where has it come from? What is it saying to us about our lives? If we can work that out, then maybe we can deal with it when it arises.
  1 Envy shows us what we really want.
  Sometimes these feelings of envy arise because there's something we want that we've actually been afraid to admit. Like the woman who was always driving the kids around, dropping them off at school, picking them up again and dropping them home; who'd take one child into his house and find that the cleaner had just been and the house smelt of disinfectant, the carpets were vacuumed, the floors polished, and she still hadn't got around to cleaning her own house. She couldn't afford a cleaner but this child's mother could because she worked full-time outside the home. It was no wonder that she felt envious. But when she thought about that feeling of envy she realised that she resented being the local unpaid taxi driver. She resented having to be at home with nothing but chores to do now that her kids were all at school. So she decided to do something about it. She got a part time job that would give her some mental stimulation as well as some extra income to pay for someone to do some of her chores every couple of weeks.
  On the other hand, there are some things we want that cause us to envy, that when we think about it, we're willing to forgo for other reasons. I was always envious of people at work who seemed to be able to afford overseas holidays every year or so, until I realised that I could afford them too, if my priorities were the same as there's. But they weren't. We'd decided to give a proportion of our income to God's work as our first priority for our income, we had young children to raise and a mortgage to pay off, so we had to put off those overseas trips until we'd saved up enough. If you look around you, you'll discover people who make all sorts of life choices that lie behind their ability to do the things you envy, that when you think about it, you mightn't want to make. People who work long hours, people who choose not to have children, people who act unethically to get ahead. If we think about these sorts of issues it might help us to resolve some of our feelings of envy.
  2 Envy shows us who we've been listening to.
  Sometimes we'll discover when we think about the things we're envious about that we've been sucked in to a consumer mentality by the media or the advertising industry or sucked into an unrealistic view of the world by Hollywood or the magazines or books we read. We'll find that the things we envy aren't really as attractive in reality as our initial emotional response might have led us to believe. Then perhaps we'll realise that we've been listening to the wrong voices. We've been listening to the loud and insistent voice of the world, rather than to God's word, or God's Spirit dwelling within us. That might help us to get our priorities back into order, to get our priorities right.
  Then we can ask ourselves what's really important to us. What do we want that really matters? We may not get everything we want that way, but at least we'll have a sense of no longer being a victim of circumstances. We might also be able to see where our value system has been wrong.
  Sometimes the thing we want is unobtainable and we need to come to terms with it or find an alternative. We might need to look at the good things we do have and focus on them rather than on what we don't have.
  3 Envy shows us what we've been afraid to ask for.
  Sometimes we get into a situation where we're afraid to ask for what we really want. Or perhaps we're even afraid to want it. This is particularly true for women, perhaps, because women have been taught not to want. As I said earlier, women have been taught that their role is to serve, to make others happy, to nurture their husband and their family and to forget themselves.
  So you get cases like the woman who had moved to a new country with a totally different climate, with 3 young children, and who was struggling with life. She was invited one day to afternoon tea by a woman from church. When she got there the woman's older daughter took the 3 children off to the family room and left the 2 mothers on their own in peace and quiet. She suddenly realised as she relaxed in the quiet and enjoyed adult conversation for a change, that she really envied this woman's peaceful house, and the time she had to herself. As she thought about it she realised that what she longed for but had been afraid to ask for, was some time for herself, something that was a very reasonable desire to have.
  So envy shows us what we really want. Envy shows us who we've been listening to. And sometimes envy can show us what we've been afraid to ask for. But what can we do to overcome this temptation to envy?
  1 Admitting our Limitations.
  Sometimes, although envy shows us what we want, when we think about it we realise that those wants are either not legitimate or not realistic. The temptation of Adam and Eve began with the temptation to envy God his omniscience. Satan tempted Eve to overcome her limitations and become like God, but in fact that was neither possible, nor permissible. We too are tempted from time to time to overcome our limitations, to want it all. That's certainly what the advertising industry tries to tell us. You can have a fulfilling job, a rich family life, the latest car, a beautiful body, a mobile phone and portable computer to give you the freedom to go where you like, and so forth. But of course, anyone who's tried it knows it doesn't work. No-one can fit it all in. No-one has the energy to do everything they'd like to.
  So when we look at someone we envy, we need to remember that there are things that we have that they're missing out on. We need to keep reminding ourselves of our priorities, so we don't get led astray by the countless possibilities that are thrust before us for using up our time and resources. We need to avoid the trap set for us by the media of dividing up people's lives so you only see one aspect of their lives independent of all the rest. You might have looked at someone like Michael Hutchence a couple of years back and thought what a successful life he had. At least until his whole life was brought into focus by the events surrounding his broken marriage and subsequent death.
  We also need to recognise that envy often arises from our own fallenness; that our envy is often related to the spirit of competition we find in our society at every level, a competition that tends to result in either envy or conceit. And as we recognise that, let's also see that that sense of competition implies a shortage of whatever it is we're after. We're saying why should they get x when I don't. But that's to misunderstand the nature of God and his rule over the world. God is the one who gives all good gifts in abundance. One of the most difficult things is to trust God for everything we need; rather than being self reliant, to look to God to provide for us. When we envy what it shows is a lack of faith in God's love and goodness to us.
  2 Making active choices about life priorities
  Rather than passively accepting our situation and falling into a victim mentality, where envy is our only choice, we can explore what other options there are for us. So when we discover ourselves envying something that someone else has, rather than allowing that envy to grow, we might examine whether that thing is a real need we have, which we might legitimately satisfy in some way or whether the thing we envy isn't possible without changing our whole lifestyle which we choose not to do. Or is it something we have to put aside for another stage in our life. So, for example, the desire to travel to Europe may not be possible while you have young children, or while you're paying off a mortgage, but it might well be possible 15 years later when your children have grown up and your house is paid off. The difference is that having thought it through we've actively decided where our priorities lie and so envy won't have the same hold over us.
  3 Learning contentment
  Finally, perhaps the hardest lesson of all to learn is to be content in whatever circumstances we find ourselves. In the passage we just read from Philippians 4, Paul says: "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (Phil 4:11-13 NIV) Elsewhere he tells us that there's great gain in godliness combined with contentment. The best way of fighting envy, of getting out of dissatisfaction, is to learn to be content with whatever circumstances God puts us in, knowing that in the end it'll all come to nothing anyway, when this world passes away and the new heaven and earth are brought in. Ask yourself "how much is enough?" The answer for the Christian is as much as God has provided for me. From any other viewpoint there will never be enough. Learning contentment, trusting God to provide, putting away envy from our lives, all come from the same source, from a belief that God is in control of everything that happens to us and that he has our best interests at heart. It seems to me that that is our best defence against fear and envy.

             
 
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